


As Warm As Snow

by juiceboxjellyfish



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: ? I don't know where to draw the line, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2019, Light Angst, M/M, Not Wayward Son Compliant, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Yearning, aching, kind of, prompt: frost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21907444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: Snow's name is ironic, seeing as he's practically the personification of fire.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	As Warm As Snow

BAZ

I always found Snow’s name ironic, because he was the warmest person I’d ever met. He burned hotter than any fire, brighter than any sun. His magic smelled like smoke and scorched everything it touched, especially when he went off. It manifested like fire then, flames licking his skin and his sword, burning everything in his way. It scared others. It scared nearly everyone. It should’ve scared me too, but it never did. All the fear I felt regarding Snow was of myself, my feelings and their consequences. It really should have scared me more than it scared others, considering how flammable I am. Then again, I come from a long line of fire magicians. I’ve always had a thing for fire, of course I had to fall for the personification of it. It hurt to look at him and yet I could never look away, and part of me thinks I enjoyed the pain. It was so cruelly ironic, a vampire falling for the sun, that I convinced myself somewhere along the way that it was a punishment tailored especially for me, that it was what I deserved. I feared I’d catch fire if my bare skin touched his. I’d wake up every morning thinking “this will end in flames”.

Yes, Snow’s name was always ironic to me. And yet, I thought of him every time winter came. There was nothing cold about him but when dew turned to frost and rain turned to snow, he’d find his way into my head. The dark winter months were illuminated by his glow even when we were apart, and I ached. I pictured a different life then. One where things were different, where we were different, where he gave his warmth to me and I accepted without burning. I froze, and I longed for him, and I ached. How I ached.

The cold crept up on me like flowers of frost on a window, eating any residue of warmth. I was so cold. My skin always cool to the touch, my head full of Snow. I could create fire with my hands but it never touched me. My skin always remained just as cold, just as lifeless. Snow had so much life, so much heat, and I seemed like a statue of ice in comparison. He was so much and I was so little. Not enough. Not full enough, warm enough, alive enough. I should have been named Snow, not him. At least then I’d have one less thing reminding me of him. At least then I could see the beauty of a snowfall instead of seeing an agonising reminder of everything I wanted and could never have.

The snow fell, and everything that was already hurting hurt more. I wanted to lay down and be buried in it, all my flaws and all my agony covered by a perfect blanket of blindingly white snow. I wanted to fall asleep there, slowly and painlessly fading from consciousness. I’d probably wake up come spring – vampires are supposedly difficult to kill. And I was always cold anyway.

Snow’s name is ironic. It always has been, because even without his magic he’s the warmest person I've ever met. He still burns hotter than any fire and brighter than any sun, but he doesn’t smell like smoke anymore. The fields are starting to freeze, and our windows are tinted with frost in the mornings. He comes home from errands with rosy cheeks and cold hands and snowflakes in his hair and cuddles up to me like I have any warmth to give him.  
“It does warm me”, he says. “From the inside out. And then I can give that heat back to you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by "Swan Songs In The Snow" which you can listen to here: https://soundcloud.com/terminallycapricious-5/swan-songs-in-the-snow-a-snowbaz-fan-song 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm so close to finishing now!  
> Please leave a comment! I love them so much and they motivate me to write more!


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